The World Needs More Crazies

 This past semester I was enrolled in a CL (Community Leader) class at Baylor and this meme popped up in one of our class powerpoints.  Basically, our professor gave us no prior lecture or lead-in but rather opened the floor for us to share how this meme makes us feel.  Not surprisingly, the first classmates to speak up were all female.  Of course I can't remember exactly what they said but it was somewhere along the lines of "I don't understand why somebody would waste that much money and then become a housewife.  Go to a community college".  "Girls like this make the rest of us, who take our education seriously, look bad."  "It's annoying that all girls get this reputation.  I know girls that take easy majors and just goof around and do nothing in college."  The guys in the class, on a whole, were more reluctant to speak but when they did it was basically the same arguments but less opinionated (probably because they've never been accused of getting their MRS degree).  Shout out to my CL class if any of yall come across this!  Love you!

For those of you who know me, you know that I have an enormous soft spot in my heart for children and parenting (not saying that I have any real knowledge or experience).  My love for kids is kind of obsessive.  There's not many things that tickle my heart like being loved by adorable children.  Okay, sorry for getting all sappy but I can't help it!  You might also know voicing an opposing opinion, especially in a group setting, can be really tough.  So whenever the discussion was brought up in CL class, I listened to the class discuss the meme while I sat quietly in the front row biting my tounge.  I'm sure that Rob, our professor, could tell that as the discussion went on I was getting more and more uncomfortable.  So of course he totally called me out: "So Brooklyn, we haven't heard anything from you.  Do you have any thoughts or remarks to contribute?"  And of course I did!

 ...I feel like I should give some disclaimers since money can be a touchy topic...naa.  Really, this post has little to do with the meme and how people responded and lots to do with my own convictions in my attitudes towards others.  Here we go!

First off, I just want to mention that it's not sinful to simply desire to be married.  God wired us to long for deep intimate relationships.  I sometimes feel like desiring to be a strong, independent woman clashes with desires for love and vulnerability.  This goes for men too, there's nothing sinful about desiring to love or be loved.  It's okay to want!  Just because you're content with Jesus as your boyfriend doesn't mean you should ever be ashamed or reluctant to pursue relationships.  I'm not talking about excessive longing for identity found in a significant other...I'm simply talking about desire. Anyways, that's a total side note but maybe it will ring a bell with someone.  Someone said that recently and I had to share.  As for becoming a housewife, I just want to say that I have no idea whether I will ever be a housewife or a working mom, and I basically know nothing about either.  I have hopes and dreams and desires, but only God knows.  In addition, I have tons of respect for both stay at home moms and working moms.  Both can be used as a ministry and are legitimate callings!  Sorry I'm leaving you out of the picture, guys.  I have an incredible respect for the man of the house as well but I'm not going to get into that haha.  So, back to the meme...I would agree that from a financial standpoint spending a buttload on an education and becoming a full time financial analyst is going to look better on the books than becoming a housewife.  From a financial standpoint, it doesn't makes sense (it was really hard for me not to be a punny nerd and put 'cents')  to graduate college with thousands of dollars of debt only to stay at home and take care of children.  From a financial standpoint, I agree that spending $100,000 to get a degree that you'll never use to generate income is a waste.  Crunch some numbers and it's not hard to see that from a financial standpoint, becoming a housewife isn't the better decision.  If we use a dollar sign as our metric, then you're right.  That meme is ridiculous.

What bothers me is that I often resort to judging something's worth by the monetary amount associated with it.  I often find myself assuming that the highest revered jobs are those with the highest income.  They attract the smartest and most driven students.  I easily fall into this default mindset.  However, not all physicists could handle a day in the life of a second grade teacher, I know I sure couldn't.  This isn't to say one occupation is better or worse than the other, but rather that God gives us different gifts for different reasons (sorta that whole one body many parts deal).  On a whole, our society is very achievement based, and achievement is in most cases closely correlated with money.  Money is the metric for gaging worth.  When things go wrong, money can fix it.  We enter into other cultures and think our way of life is the best, because it is economically sound and developed.  I guess what I'm really getting at is that monetary value and individual worth aren't the same thing.  In fact they're not related at all.  How do you put a money value on transformation? Growth? Experiences? Salvation? How does it make sense to spend thousands of dollars to send a short term mission team to Costa Rica to build a church when you could save money and get more done by having simply sending a check?  Apart from Christ and the transformation that the gospel brings, spending this much money just flat out doesn't make any financial sense.

I'm no accountant but monetary value is never stable or reliable.  Depreciation, amortization, annuity, it's always changing.  And to make decisions based solely off of making your bottom line number grow can be dangerous.  If we spend more time crunching numbers than praying for and seeking guidance whenever making decisions, we aren't truly trusting God.  I know this is WAY easier said than done.  And I've never even really experienced it!  It's kind of funny that I have two 'money' blogs back to back because I really know squat. But I what I do know is that individual worth has got to be such a better foundation than money.  Know why?  Individual worth doesn't change.  It can't be lost or earned or stolen.  Our worth is completely and solely found within our identity in Christ.  We are all created in Imageo Dei, the image of God.

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.-Genesis 1:27

Seriously, how cool is that?  Every single person on this earth God has created in His image!  And that, my friends, is true worth.  All people are valued simply for having been created by our Creator.  You can't ever take that away from somebody.  Something tells me that God would rather us make decisions based off of His everlasting kingdom rather than a balance sheet. ;)  The things with the most worth are going to outlast everything else.  We are worth enough to God that He came down to earth, lived a life we could never live, and suffered on the cross.  I can't contemplate it sometimes, I'm just totally in awe. If God went through all of that just so that he could have a restored relationship with His Children, our relationship and pursuit of following Christ has got to be pretty stinkin' important!  Jumping on opportunities to share this with others means that we've got to hold a Kingdom agenda above our earthly agenda.  More important than where we live, who we marry, and how much money is spent on our college tuition.  I need to constantly remind myself of what eternally matters, and just how much God values all of His people.  Whenever we truly live for God's kingdom, there will no doubt come times when our life choices aren't going to match up with how society tells us we should live.

It's going to seem crazy to the world that a engineer graduating with a 4.0 decides to move to Haiti and live in a apartment and share Jesus with his neighbors.  Even if he never uses any of his engineering skills, who can say that his time in college was a waste?  It's going to seem crazy to the world that a businesswoman decides to leave her high paying salary to spend more time with her family.  It's going to seem crazy to the world that a millionaire decides to move his family into a simple house and have a simple lifestyle so that they can help support their church's missionaries.  It's going to seem crazy that a teenager would skip a party to hang out with the guy nobody likes.  For the sake of serving and living like Christ, the world needs more crazies.  It sure seems crazy to me that God continues to love me and extend grace to me no matter how many times I screw up, but I'm so thankful this is the crazy truth.

I really hope I never stop listening to God, even when I think I've got things figured out.  I never want to be so focused on my own desires that I limit myself to what God is calling me to do.  Like Aaron or Jonah, God may have plans for me that I do not see coming!  He's done it to me before and I'm sure He'll do it again.  And even when I do veer off path I know the Spirit always has a funny way of thumping me on the head to get my attention.

 In college especially, it's so easy to be consumed with myself.  My grades, my food, my sleep, my time...it's a never-ending cycle of selfishness that is super easy to get caught up in. I'm constantly wanting to make decisions that benefit myself and make me (or my GPA) look good.  However, college is so much more than just getting a degree.  I never want my role as a disciple of Christ to be secondary to my role as a student.  I'm starting to come to that realization but putting it into action can be hard.  Whenever it's 11:00 at night and I have a test in the morning, the last thing I 'want' to do is to get side-tracked by someone else and have something pop up unexpected.  With God's help, I have to actively try to make my relationships with others more important than my personal study agenda and to-do list.  This is such a struggle!  This next year I pray that God helps me to re-prioritize my college agenda with a Kingdom mindset. Think of all the transformation and life-shaping experiences we encounter during college and what a potential impact we can have on others!  These are some of the most exciting and developmentally significant years of our life, and they have hardly anything to do with our classes.  Just because I've had a classes in microeconomics and management information systems doesn't mean that I'll ever use it in 'the real world'.  But that doesn't make it a waste!  The process of learning and growing and being challenged has value apart from receiving a diploma.   Looking back on my college experiences, it's so incredible how God has had his hand in everything, and this gives me even more comfort moving forward.

I can't help but think about how incredibly thankful I am for Christ and the conviction I have to share the good news with others.  I pray that the Holy Spirit would continually stir my heart to be radically active and intentional in the way I approach ministry.  If we could all see God's people with even .001% of the love and worth God has placed on us, just imagine how selfless and great our relationships would be.  This eternal imageo dei worth should be a driving factor behind how I approach ministry, life decisions, and my walk with God.  I know I am constantly falling into Satan's trap of thinking that my worth is found in things apart from God and judging others with a wordly worth.  However, I am constantly humbled and brought back to Christ with every failure and false sense of worthiness I find in things apart from Him.  God, help me to be crazy for you!!  

Being Rich Towards God

If you want advice on how to pay off college loans or save up for a wedding, you're asking the wrong girl.  It seems hypocritical for me to create a post about money.  Let's face it-my parents are paying for Baylor, I've never had a job that I didn't love, and I'm proud to say I finally found out how to track my checkings and savings account online.  When it comes to money, you could say I'm pretty inexperienced.  However, there will come a time when I will have to make major decisions regarding personal and family finances (cue gasp).  Honestly, this post is really being written for a 'future' me.  First I'm going to walk through a passage in Luke, then I'm going to hit up four points that I might want to remind myself of in the future.  I really hope that I can look back on this in 5, 10, 30 years and be able to evaluate how my finances reflect my trust in God.  So, future Brooklyn, look out.  Don't take this light heartedly...but I want you to really think about it and what I'm saying now (It's only because I'm directing this at my stubborn self that it seems more in your face than normal).

"13 Someone in the crowd said to him, 'Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.'  14 But he said to him, 'Man, who made me a judge or arbitrator over you?' 15 And he said to them, 'Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.' 16 And he told them a parable, saying, 'The land of a rich man produced plentifully, 17 and he thought to himself, 'What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?' 18 And he said, 'I will do this: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. 19 19 And I will say to my soul, 'Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry."' 20 But God said to him, 'Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?' 21 So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich towards God." Luke 12:13-21

Can you imagine the audacity that the man has for asking Jesus to tell his brother to give him money?  Seriously, I wonder what is going through Jesus' mind.  Here is the savior of the world who is about to lay down his life for this man who wants Jesus to say his brother is in the wrong.  (wait...let's not be too hard on the guy, I'm sure we have asked God for material things more than once).  I love Jesus' response to this guy-'who made me a judge over you?'  Kind of ironic, coming from Jesus.  Basically, Jesus is saying that this man is missing the point! Jesus didn't come to settle financial disputes, and to become involved in this trivial matter would distract Jesus and His followers from His mission.  Isn't that what greed does to us now?  Distracts us from seeing Jesus' purpose.  How does Jesus respond? Parable!  Dingdingding!

Notice how in verse 16, Jesus doesn't condemn success.  I feel like this a problem with some people.  Seriously, you can be a successful, money-making Christian.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with making profit.  The problem comes from verses 17-19.  Notice the personal pronouns.  Let's see-I, I, my, I, I, I, my, my, my.  Notice a trend?  This guy thinks his own soul belongs to himself!  He feels entitled to it all, even though it's all God's.  This, I think, is one of the hardest things to overcome.  Even the most humble person believes that he is worth something.  Where does this worth come from?  Are you giving yourself worth because of your profits, or are you valuing the worth that God gives you simply for being created?  We are foolish to think that we are worthy of anything apart from God.  That's really easy to type out, but it's hard to actually live in a way that reflects that belief.  Next, notice how verse 19 talks about retirement!  Isn't that the goal?  That's the dream, right?  To save up more and more and at the end of our earthly existence we can worship ourself!  Sounds great, right?  This is what American's see as truly living.

Verses 20 and 21 point out how dumb we are to think that this world is all there is.  Do you live in a way that expects all earthly things to be destroyed and your soul to be saved?  If so, how does spending God's money reflect that?  I'm not saying you have live poor or break-even lives to be saved; that's not the message at all.  Where are you placing value?  Are you saving up more and more money so that they day will come when you can serve yourself?  How can we be 'rich towards God?'  I assure you it's not easy!  I'm sure it will be a continual struggle everyday.  Deciding to honor God with money isn't one choice.  It's a choice that's made over and over again.  Quite honestly, I don't exactly know what it means right now.  I know that I don't want to live in a way hinders my relationship with Christ.  I believe that this can look differently for different people, and I don't even know what it will look like for me. Right now, I pray that God gives me wisdom in that area.  I want my money to honor God, however direct or indirect that is.  I know money isn't 'the problem', but it's such a helpful tool in evaluating our hearts desires.  I'm selfish, and I pray that God would continue to humble me with his overflowing grace and love.  I pray that he would convict me whenever I'm making decisions that are made to glorify myself and downsize Him.  Here are a few topics that I hope to reflect on during future decisions:

ENTITLEMENT
The money you make does not belong to you.  Your ability to work, or your husband's ability to work, is only because God allows it.   In fact, maybe it's time that God has you depend on him more.  Thank God for the times that he has made you more dependent on Him.  Feeling entitled to rule over 'your' money has nothing to do with money, but everything to do with your heart and your understanding of the gospel.  If God blesses you with a raise, don't begin to think that this was because of your doing.  Can you show the poor how good and generous God is to have given you an abundance?  If you believe that you are entitled to more money, you're not.  Because money belongs to God, how will you use this to care and serve other people?

BEING CONTENT
You don't need more wealth, you need more wisdom.  Day in and day out you are bombarded by media that sows discontentment in your heart.  Nothing you buy will EVER make you content.  Because you have tasted God's grace, you will never be content if you lose sight of why God has put you on this earth.  You can posses everything but still be empty (Colossians 3:5).  Being content isn't about money.  Discontentment comes from worshiping yourself.  Money only exposes the true issue.  Let's face it-your selfish.  You're going to make decisions that serve your best interests.  Pray that God would continually remind you that He is all you need.  Whenever you are feeling ungrateful, think of the Cross.  Mark 8.

GREED AND COVETING
Whenever you compare your house, job, looks, or relationships to other people you are either setting yourself up for either 1) depression or 2) self-righteousness.  If greed has taken root, it will blind and control you.  You'll lose sight of what eternally matters (Love God, love others).  Greed produces ingratitude, grumbling and discontentment.  It turns families against each other and destroys relationships.  Greed is going to make your relationship with Christ more shallow.  You know that.   Long to reach a place like Psalm 73:25.

FACING OUTWARDS
I want you to go look at your account history.  When was the last time you spent money on somebody else?  Were you doing it to bring glory to yourself?  Maybe you were doing it out of obligation or maybe even a desire to earn approval.  When was the last time you blessed someone simply because God has blessed you?  Pray that God will help you to use wealth in a way that expresses that He is the treasure of your life.  Ask that God will give you that wisdom because, let's face it, your heart is selfish.

There's so much that can be said about finances and money, when really it's not about the money at all.  It all boils down to your understanding of the gospel.  How did Jesus use his time and resources while here on earth?  The older we get, the more opportunities we have to love God and love others with our time, energy, and resources.  I know the decisions might be hard, especially with a family or when somebody other than me is directly affected.  I pray that God continues to work in my heart and give me guidance in those situations.  Not only this, but I thank God for the grace that continuously extends to me whenever I choose to glorify myself over Him.  If I take away anything from this, I remember that I am only satisfied when I remain in Jesus.  John 15.

Are You Smoking What You're Selling?

I love the book of James...and I struggle with it.  If anyone is looking for a good self-devo, stop reading this and turn to James instead.  Verses just seem to pop out and scream at me when I read this.  It's affirming and convicting all at the same time. I remember in high school (I wasn't a believer at the time) going through the book of James in youth group. James speaks alot  about living out faith-active, moving, doing. It has got so much jam-packed into 5 chapters. As the holy spirit enables me to understand scripture, I am beginning to evaluate myself in the light of God's truth. Along with this, I am starting to notice more and more how this internal transformation has to follow with an outward transformation.

Why do I study the Bible? Why do I read Lucado, Strobel or C.S. Lewis? When it boils down...I want answers. I want to know things and be able to understand things about God and Jesus and my life. I've learned so much from the authors (obviously the Bible), and that's all good. However, knowing all the answers and having a perfect theology means absolutely nothing if I don't accept it and undergo a transformation because of it. I can have the whole Bible memorized, but if I'm not changed because of it my knowledge is ultimately worthless.

"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty and perserveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing"-James 1:22-25

It's foolish of me to examine myself in God's mirror (God's truth) and not change my behavior based on my findings.  I know I am a child of God.  I know the life Jesus desires me to live.   I'm discovering the ways I should approach relationships, materialism, the poor, ubelievers, outcasts.  God is very clear on many of these things.  He has spoken about how I am to live my faith out, and I am aware of this.  But does this awareness affect me?

"If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, 'Go in peace, be warmed and filled,' without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that.  So also fiath by itself, if it does not have works, is dead."-James 2:15-17 

 We can express concern, quote scripture, and offer a prayer...we just can't take time out of our day or give somebody our day's wages or have our schedule interrupted...right?  We can speak Christianity, but do we live it? Seriously, if we know the gospel and can even comprehend a smallest amount of the the overwhelming love and grace we receive from God, you would think we wouldn't be so selfish (notice my use of we).

"It is possible for the cross to have done something for a person but not in them.  

As I arm myself with God's truth, I desire to live an active, tangible, outward faith. 1) Love God. 2) Love others.  God has called us to live this way.  However, this is where Christians start to get a bad rep.  As Christians we are sometimes seen as being hypocritical, selfish, anti-gay, anti-abortion, prude, judgemental people.  I, along with many others, am guilty of not acting with love and living out the gospel.  This is my new years resolution-to smoke what I sell.  Don't get me wrong-this is nothing that I can merit myself.  It is only with God's help that I am changed.  I desire to take action.  When God gives me directions and presents me with different situations I should act upon them.

Faith comes from God and every word that He breathesHe lets you take it to your heart, so you can give it hands and feetIt's gotta be active if it's gonna be aliveYou gotta put it into practice, otherwiseIt's about as useless as a screendoor on a submarine-Rich Mullins 

 It's so true!  Acting out our faith has got to be the best way to witness to people.  Jesus Christ is the greatest news ever!  Think of the possibilities-think of how many people we come into contact with daily.  People notice actions and forget words.  I can put on my cross necklace and purity ring every day, but that's not going to bring people to Christ.  I can't lead people somewhere I am not going myself.  I don't have to be a perfect Christian, but I do have to be walking that path.

Here's a clip from spoken word.  It kind of goes along with the topic of acting out what we believe and what we say.  When we look back to history we can see some of the really dumb things that Christians have fought over. (crusades, slavery...I'm thinking big picture) How could they read the same Bible as us, and get some things so wrong?  I sometimes wonder in 200 year what people would say about our generation of Christians.  Especially now, we face new questions of ethics and cultural movements.  As Christians we know God's word is truth...and the value of human life stems from being created in God's image. (James 3:9)   God has been involved in everybody's life, even in the womb (psalm 139).  As Christians, we should seek to find the worth in all people's uniqueness and circumstances and act in ways that demonstrate this.  I've been birthed into certain circumstances and have been shaped by society and experiences, but I know where my identity lies.  I should respond and treat others in a way that reflects my own knowledge of people's worth, God's message of grace, and Jesus' sacrifice.

19 and Pregnant

A couple weeks ago I had the joy of babysitting one of the cutest kids, Jacob. When it came time for dinner, I put him in his stroller and some of my friends and I headed to the on-campus dining hall. Pushing Jacob through the dining hall, I couldn't believe how many stares I got. I could feel all the eyeballs land right on me. Here I am, a 19-year old in college, wheeling around a baby in a stroller! It didn't take me long to realize that this could totally be my baby. The negative attention would make anybody feel unaccepted.

This got me thinking...Why are we so quick to judge?

From what I've observed in my own life and actions, my judgment towards others is always about me. By judging others, I am in some way trying to make myself feel better about the kind of person I am. Nobody judges simply to make observations about other people! It is always selfishly related back to us. Wow, that girl is pregnant? Glad that's not me. She's such a flirt; that’s why she gets the boys. I'm glad I'm not like that. Why does he always try to act super cool? It's totally just a cover-up. Good thing I'm real and genuine. Our judgments are failed attempts to somehow 'fool' ourselves into thinking that we are good, worthy people. Jesus tells a great story of to help us understand judgement and why it comes about. In the Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector, Jesus tells the story of two men going to church: one is a religious man, the other is an unbeliever who snuck in.

"He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 'Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even life up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted."-Luke 18:9-14

First off, notice how Jesus is speaking to those who 'trusted in themselves that they were righteous'. Their righteousness isn't from God, and this leads them to treat others with contempt. Whenever we find ourselves somehow meriting our own righteousness or seeking it from others, we find that we start to become more...you got it...judgmental! In the next verse, notice how the Pharisee prays using "I" five times. I...I...I...this sort of repetition accents his self-centeredness. Rather than truly thanking God, he seems to brag about how religious he is, comparing himself to the tax collector. Not only this, but he's got a formula when it comes to practicing religion. While I would never want to turn anybody away from quiet time, getting involved in church, or going to small groups, there is no 'equation' that will lead you to Christ. Take journaling-it’s great; the Holy Spirit has guided me in my times of reflection to realize more about the desire and reverence I have to follow God. However, if I'm just going through the motions of journaling to check it off my list, it can be meaningless. While we do these small groups and church events, this in no way makes us any more worthy of God's grace. In the Parable, the Pharisee relies on his self-righteousness to feel closer to God. In contrast, the tax collector relied on God's mercy. He recognizes his own sin and brokenness and in turn this leads him to cry out before God. Whenever we hear 'Pharisee' we tend to think that that's not us...but when I look at my life and the fruit that comes from it, I have to analyze the motives that I have in serving God. While I pray that they aren't self-seeking, I have to admit that they are a lot of the time. Where am I seeking approval? How do I view myself and others? The more that I find out about God, the more that I realize my shortcomings, and the less judgemental I am. It's an inverse relationship-The more we are humbled before God, the less we judge.

"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye"-Matthew 7:3

Again, a key theme in judgment is not being humbled over our own sin. We must realize that whenever we stand before the True Judge (James 4:12), we are alone. God's not going to line us up and compare us then make the cut.

"Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. (12) So then each of us will give an account of himself to God"-Romans 14:10,12

Every person will give an account of his life to God at the judgment...I'm going to be quite honest, this kind of scares me. God, who is just, perfect, holy, and powerful beyond belief, is going to hear me give an account of my sinful self. We don't have our friends, our spouse, our parents to speak up for us...just God and I. I am so grateful He is loving and gracious and merciful...because me standing before God to give an account otherwise would be terrifying. God, and only God, is the true Judge. When judging others, we have no authority, validity, and meaning in our judgment other than to give ourselves false comfort. We see broken people, people who have really screwed up, and we automatically have ideas that pop into our head. We thank God for being blessed and not being like them. We underestimate God's power and hand in healing the broken and using situations to magnify His name. Just think of Bible stories-time and time again God specifically chooses the judged, broken people. Think David, Zacchaeus, Saul. Even the twelve disciples are a total surprise…just check out their bios! Of all the people for our Savior to choose to be his right-hand men, he chose them.

"You did not choose me, but I chose you"-John 15:16

One might think that they weren't good enough to be Jesus' disciples, but Jesus believed in them. When I judge, I am losing sight that the creator of the world chooses me. What a GREAT feeling to miss out on! Lord, you are so incredibly merciful and gracious. Thank you for choosing me! Thank you for Jesus, for looking past my shortcomings and extravagantly loving me despite them. Help me to find rest in that and to keep me from the temptation of judgment. I always say I am 'unworthy', but I don't think I really feel that way. When I seek for identity in comparing myself to others, remind me that my identity is only found in you. When I see the broken, I don't want to judge-You are powerful and work in ways beyond what I can fathom. You choose the broken, so Lord, break my heart for you. I don't want to find comfort in this world, but discomfort in knowing that I continually turn away from you. Thank you for continually choosing me when I fail to choose you.

I Don't Have All The Answers

Yesterday I was having a discussion with my dad in the car on the way home. Somehow, the trinity was brought up and I mentioned how it was so hard for me to really understand it. I mean, I can tell you what I have learned but it's so hard for me to actually wrap my mind around the concept. I was hoping that my dad could explain it better, but instead he replied that he didn't understand it all either. I've been thinking, there's so much I don't understand about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and the Bible in general. In fact, the more I meditate and read scripture, the more questions I have. There's no way I can make sense of it all. I can't understand everything about God...and to attempt to do so would be to severely limit God. Take the trinity for example: Ever since the early church, people have debated about how to describe the trinity. In fact, opposing groups make up words (homeostasis, homoeostasis...or something like that) to try to articulate the relation between Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Disagreements don't end with the trinity, we've got the nature of Mary, presence of the Sabbath, women's roles in church...Churches and individuals have been interpreting and reinterpreting scripture for hundreds of years. How are we supposed to know who is right? Who is practicing Christianity closest to what God meant in the Bible?

"Everybody thinks their opinion is the right one. If they didn't, they'd get a new one"-Anne Lamott

Nobody approaches the Bible without bias. When we read scripture, we can't just ignore our past experiences or culture. Whether we like it or not, this plays a role in how God's Word speaks to us. In fact, the very writers of the Bible were influenced by the time period they wrote in, who they were writing to, and why they were writing. Just look at some the differences between Matthew Mark and Luke (birth narrative, resurrection accounts, etc.). Writers, just like us readers, are influenced by their surroundings. Not only do you have those discrepancies, but just think about how the canon was formed: some guys got together and decided on it (in reality it's a bit more complicated, but you get the hint). So does this make the Bible any less valid or less credible? I don't think so-The Bible is about actual people. In actual places. Telling about how God has revealed Himself to them, and how they have come to understand God. I don't think that their writing pens were possessed and they had no control over what they were writing-I think they were all writing for a reason or purpose. It does involve some faith on our part-Faith that the Spirit that guided the men in the canonization process and the authors of the Bible is the same Spirit that's alive and present with us right now. I believe in the truth of the Bible, and I believe that God has been present throughout history and has his hand in the development of the text. The Bible is confusing-but the process of struggling with it and interpreting it and arguing with it, when led by the Holy Spirit, can really help us to understand the type of God that God is. We will never have all the answers, and it's okay if our view of minor doctrine shifts as we discover more. It's easy to pick out verses that fit our needs-sift for things that we find applicable to us in the here and now. Don't get me wrong, I think one-verse cures are okay, as long as we understand the context. I'm bad about this-I immediately have specific verses that pop up into my head whenever I think of 'love' or 'joy' or 'persecution'. However, what amazes me is that I can read a verse tonight, then read it again next month, and find out something new about it. I do think that that's the power of the Holy Spirit at work and proof that the text is living. People are always going to have different interpretations, different ideas about what the 'purest' form of the text is. While I do stand my ground on certain doctrine, the Bible is very versatile. The process of interpreting it is important, but we'll never know all the answers...just like we can never fully understand why God is the way He is. Lord, I praise you for being bigger than anything my mind can comprehend. I don't have all the answers, but I pray that I would grow in my understanding of who You are. I pray that the Holy Spirit would lead me to becoming wiser and help me to approach scripture in a way that is not self-seeking, but God-seeking. Thank you for the Bible, and all the mysteries it contains. I pray that my questions would not deter me or discourage me, but reaffirm me that you are God and I am not. Thank you for how you have revealed Yourself to me and continually love me no matter how many times I fail to acknowledge You.

Well Done, Good and Faithful Servant

Baylor offers the StrengthsFinder assessment to incoming freshman. It's a test that helps to identify an individual's areas of talent. In leadership class, we focused a lot on our strengths. It's made me start to wonder about how I am using my God-given abilities to serve God. In Matthew 25, Jesus tells The Parable of the Talents. It is the story of a man with three servants. The man is leaving on a journey and decides to divide his land up among the three servants, "each according to his ability". The first man receives 5 talents (In NT times, a 'talent' was worth about 20 years' wages for a laborer...so it's a pretty big deal). The servant then traded his 5 talents and made 5 more talents...so a total of 10 talents. The second servant received 2 talents, traded with them, and received a total of 4 talents. The servant who receives one talent "dug in the ground and hid his master's money". When the master returns, he sees that the men who received five and two talents have doubled their portion. To them the master says

"Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master"-Matthew 25:21

The servant who received one talent tells his master that he was afraid and hid the talent in the ground. The master is upset and says "Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest" (verse 27). God has given all of us special gifts! Are we like the first two servants, who doubled their portion that way they could give even more back to their master? Or are we like the third servant, who fears risk and has a misperception of his master? Using our God-given strengths wisely and efficiently is key to discipleship. The first two servants displayed faithfulness in how they used their gifts and potential. How awesome would it be to stand before God and hear him say Well done, good and faithful servant. When we use our strengths and passions to bring praise and glory to God, we will have joy in knowing that we are serving our Creator.

"For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away"-Matthew 25:29.

Faithfulness is rewarded with more opportunities to serve God! When I think about what makes me 'come alive' or what makes me really feel like I'm furthering God's kingdom, that's what I should be doing. My talents and interests all belong to God, and I couldn't think of a better master to serve. I want to use up all of my abilities and always try my hardest to reach my potential with the gifts the God has graciously given me.

Go Deep

Having deep, meaningful relationships is so important to our growth as Christians. God works through friendships and relationships in some incredible ways! I once heard a speaker say "Your faith should be personal, not private". How true this is! Our connection with God is intimate and personal, but that doesn't mean we can't share that with others.

"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another"-Proverbs 17.

God has wired our souls to desire deep, profound relationships...It's just the way we are! (for the most part, I think) Tell you what-it's such a blessing to have a few Christian girls that I feel very open with. We can talk about anything (Sin struggles, fears, doubts). They know what irks me, what distracts me from God, and they are aware of my struggles. As believers, we are to look out for our brothers and sisters in Christ.

"If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdents, and so fulfill the law of Christ"-Galatians 6:1-2

Keeping yourself accountable is a recipe for disaster. While I like to think that I'm intrinsically motivated, I desperately need encouragement/wake-up calls from others. We need people who will not only love us abundantly, but call us out when needed! Healthy Christian relationships aren't always fun and games-they can be really tough at times. We have a duty to encourage, uplift, and follow through with our friendships. (Just a side note: holding people accountable in Christian relationships looks different than our friendships with nonbelievers. I'm not talking 'judgement'...more of directional encouragement. We see where they are struggling and we desire to help them overcome this and pursue a restored relationship with Christ, not because what they are doing is 'wrong' in our eyes) A friend that encourages us in our personal persuit of Christ is priceless.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him-a threefold cord is not quickly broken"-Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

God has truly revealed himself to me through the incredible conversations and support that I have found in close friendships. Relationships bonded by a common purpose produce a vigor and liveliness that can't be destroyed. What a blessing it is to have a companion that will share in my struggles and in my rejoicing! Lord, I pray over my friendships. Thank you for putting people in my life that have helped me discover my faith. I pray over my current friends and my relationships with them-help us to build one another up and guide one another towards You. Help me to be a better friend and give me the right things to say to my friends when they face trials. Help me to hold my Christian friends accountable-not out of judgement, but out of a desire for them to persist in their walk with you. What a blessing friendships are, and how You work through them.